Today was the day....

Today is the due date of my lost little baby. I am a bit sad. I have been thinking about it all weekend.
My cat delivered her babies yesterday. I had to help her a little bit. And, even though she is just a cat, I found myself a little jealous of her because I should have been going through the same thing. ...It just brought it all to the forefront of my mind.
I have started back on the fertility drugs to start trying to get pregnant again. David and I just know we have a little boy coming.  You know, that feeling like you aren't done yet?  Well, we have that. I am happy to feel that way and a little upset by it also. I want to be done and just start our adoptions. I hate going through the process of drugs with their crappy side affects.... and timing.... and doctors poking and proding me... the false pregnancies.... and the heartache at the beginning of every new cycle.  It is never a fun thing for me to get pregnant. Then, there is the dreaded being pregnant and hoping that the baby will stay in, but terrified that it won't. Ugh.
But, I have been so blessed with the 4 children I do have. That is more that a lot of women can say.
And until the fifth biological baby comes to us, we will just keep chuggin' along.