Waking from the Land of Nod

There has been long debate in our home about snoring. David does it. But he swears he does not. He insists that I do it, But I KNOW I don’t. I just think he is feeling insecure about it and is trying to drag others down with him - which will never happen by the way.
And, he has different snores even. There is the one that sounds like a train is roaring through the house. That one can be frightening at times, especially when in deep sleep…. There is the quiet snore that happens when he just nods off. I kind of like this snore. It lulls me to sleep and is the constant reminder that he is alive. And then there is David’s “Death Breath Snore.” Well, everyone knows that sleep does scary things to breath. That is why I have labeled this snore the Death Breath Snore.


However, it is not death to him. It is death for me. This particular snore happens every night. It only happens when he is facing me. How that is, I have no idea… But, when he faces me while sleeping, my life is in danger. I also don’t know how it happens that he only does it when he gets about 5 inches from my face before he blows….

So here is how it happens…. David gets within lethal range of me and all of a sudden he will snort a breath in and follow it with a huge Puff of killer breath out that sounds like the sound you make when trying to teach a child how to make a letter “P” sound. It takes no time at all for the killer breath to hit me from that short distance. I of course wake up feeling like I am suffocating and then proceed to shove David’s face to the other direction.

So, Sweetheart, this blog's for you. Here is the proof that you have demanded from me, for years, that you in fact snore. I rest my case. Next time, don’t breathe on me while you do your Death Breath Snore, and the world will never be the wiser about your secrets.