The Poultry Smack-Down

In the right corner, weighing in at 110 pounds... the chicken fryer, the chicken broiler, the chicken crock pot-er.... Teraaaaaaaaaaa..... The Chicken Tamer!!!!!!

In the left corner, collectively weighing in at 10 pounds... able to run faster than hot snot, clucking louder than a roaring freight train, famous for their flapping wing attack.... The Lady Hens... Ramen Noodle, McNugget, Lola, and Huevos!!!!!!

I sincerely believe that my chickens are slightly "MR", aka retarded. David built them a really nice coop. It is warm and dry inside. We have even bedded it down with a bail of sweet smelling straw! Now if that is not cozy, then I just don't know what is!

Well, every night the ladies huddle up together OUTSIDE of the coop. They brave the winds, rain, and scary sounds of dogs barking. But, is it really being brave or just being dumb? I mean seriously! Keep in mind the weather is regularly now in the 40's. I would die - literally. But, before my torturous death, I would be sobbing like a baby that I was in the cold, cold dark.

So, I felt an inkling of compassion for my not so bright hens and I decided to do something about it.


I bundled up in my winter attire and headed out to the coop determined to teach the birds how to use common sense. But, when I got out there they all dispersed into the four corners of the coop.

I knew I had my work cut out for me... But, I was determined to be their hero! So I welcomed on the challenge of the chicken fight.

Round one.
I chased Huevos. I caught her. And, with her wings flapping wildly in my face I quickly threw her into the coop. OK!!! One down. Three to go... Or, so I thought.

Round two. 
As soon as I turned around to grab a hysterically panicked Ramen Noodle, Huevos flew out of the coop. Crap! So, I grabbed Lola and threw her in the coop. She launched herself out faster than I could even turn around. She just charged at me clucking, "I WILL NOT BE A PRISONER!!!!"


Ok.. So I don't know how many rounds there were. All I knew was that over and over I grabbed, threw, and watched the ladies fly back out of the coop.


Really? Are you kidding me? I am trying to help these morons!


After about 30 minutes of battling, I realized that I had to throw them in the coop and sit at the door to prevent them from coming out for about 5 minutes before I grabbed another hen.


Alas, I did prevail.


However, night 2 was the same scenario. What will be waiting for me tonight... a battle or will the birds wise up?