It is a cruel fact of life that makes the pregnant woman feel even worse about her already shape-shifting, unexpected noise making, insecure self. She doesn't want to be crazy. It just happens. But, beware... If you ever call her on her psycho "out to get everyone" and "self-loathing" pregnancy hormones, she will seek you out and make your life a living hell. You would be sooooo much better off agreeing with whatever she has to say, feel, complain about, cry about, and even laugh and have joy about. It is for your safety. And, I do need to touch on the point that you DO NEED TO laugh and feel joy about the same things as she does or you will spiral her into insecurity and disdain for you, my friend. I am serious when I say that you should agree with EVERYTHING she is going through. Because whether you do or do not agree with her, in the end you will wish you did.
So, I have come up with 10 rules everyone should learn when dealing with a pregnant woman.
1. You are wrong. Even when you are right, you are wrong. When you don't admit you are wrong you will wish that you were wrong... Thus, rendering you wrong.
2. A pregnant woman's mood may change at any moment. This may even be when you agree with her when YOU know she is wrong, but you agree anyway following rule #1. She may at this point feel patronized and angry that you caved. Jeeze! Get a backbone! What you need to do at this point is just hold her and let her know that you know you are a crap head for making her cry.
3. It will take a fraction of the time it use to for her to get upset. We are talking about 1/4th the time. Always have a back-up plan. Keep new jewelry in your pocket to give to her. The surprise of shining things will distract her. OR... Let her know that you feel awful and that YOU need some ice cream because of what you did. DO NOT... I repeat DO NOT say "let's get YOU (the pregnant woman) some ice cream." She will know you are full of crap, and just trying to get her to shut up and act normal.
4. She will get freaked out by a lot of dumb stuff. It is your job to let her know her worry is legitimate. But then you must not forget to solve or dissipate what is freaking her out.
5. If you do not sympathize with her, she will feel alone. That will spiral her into a depression that she will try to overcome through shopping since all other addicting behaviors are off limits during pregnancy. When she comes home from her shopping trip she will feel better. If you want her to stay feeling better, tell her that you thought about it and now understand how she feels. Then tell her you are excited to see what she bought followed by "Wow! You got some awesome stuff! Great job!"
6. She will look different. She will have a huge and fast growing belly. Her thighs will get bigger and wider. She will have dark circles under her eyes. She might not feel energized enough to put on make-up or do her hair. She will walk around in frumpy clothes. You WILL want to tell her everyday that she is glowing and looks amazing; that you are totally "into" her pregnant look.
7. She will be tired all the time. Husbands, get use to doing extra chores because she won't. Friends, don't expect her to call or initiate get togethers because her mind will be mush and can't think that far in advance.
8. She will make strange and bizarre bodily noises. Do not draw attention to these sounds unless you are going to join in. If you do, you will just make her cry. At that point you will need to imply rule #3.
9. She will be hurting from the changes her body is going through. Never let her get to the point that she needs to ask for a back, foot, boob, leg, neck, etc.... rub. Offer. Offer all the time. Sometimes just say, "Give me your feet (Or back, neck...). I want to help you feel better."
10. She will feel more affectionate and emotionally drawn to her loved ones even though it may not show. This must ALWAYS be reciprocated or she will feel unwanted and ugly. Then you will be dealing with rule #5. If you are a husband who neglects this rule, then she will suspect you have a lover. You might want to take a few days off of work to have some quality time.
Kids need to beware, also. To help them understand Pregnant Mommy's issues, they may need to view this video illustrating just how crazy it can get.
This blog is dedicated to my Melissa and my own little family. I still love you. Half way there...
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6 comments:
Hahaha! Too funny. My body/mind reacted so differently with each pregnancy. With Amber, I was just plain grouchy. David really couldn't do anything right. It was sad. With Jade I was extra emotional. I'd cry about absolutely EVERYTHING! But with Paisley, maybe it's cause I was working all day...it didn't seem like I was that crazy. But I did work with a room full of potty-training 2yr olds....so maybe I could pass off my crazies to that. =)
PS - Would you like a boob massage?? Hahahaha!
Actually, my boobs had ALOT of room to grow. They are not use to being the size they are now. So they are sooooo sore all the time. I try to get David to massage them. But that usually leads to other things. So they never get the time they need to feel better.
haha! You are so funny Tera! I decided after reading this post that you should be a columnist for a newspaper or a magazine! Seriously...Zach agrees with me. :) You crack me up!
oh....yes I had some of these happen to me, i remember getting ready for my baby shower (I was 1 month from having Neils) and I broke down crying because "all the other girls were skinnier than me Matt said..."duh, you are pregnant" which made me cry harder. He should have read these rules! I almost didn't want to go to my own shower
thanks I'm now completely disturbed by your video post and I don't think my children can play with yours anymore..... lol
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