Getting my pap smeared

Going to the gyny is always a blessed event..... yeah..... sure..... Today is my day coupled with an OB check-up. Luckily, I have a gigundo belly and can't see the faces being made on the other side.


For these special visits, I get dressed up in my best date night clothes, amazing hair, shave above the knee, do a "girlie" trim, and wear my favorite shiny, lip plumping lip gloss on top of my movie star worthy make-up. I even pop in a breath mint and bake some sort of treat. FYI - Gyno offices love brownies, cupcakes and rice crispy treats.... (Just a little tid bit I'd let you in on so your next visit can be super-duper.)
However, this time is not a time for experimenting.
Case and point.....

Worst gyno visit ever. 1st time I did a bikini wax. I had a horrible reaction to the wax and ended up with writhing blisters and a bright red "virginia." My appointment was the next day and I couldn't cancel because I would have been screwed by my insurance and "no show" office charge. So, I went. But, before I did I tried to cover up the mess by putting on sunless tanning cream. Ummm... yeah.... Holy Crap, did I ever make a bad situation worse!!! I had mutant looking; now brownish-rust colored blisters all over my sacred girlie spot. Horrifying!
To make matters worse, my doctor at the time was fine. No, I don't mean he was an OK doctor. I mean he was Fine, hunkalisious, easy on the eyes, babe-o-rific.
"Really, Hot Doctor Sir... I don't have gonorrhea."
What is worse than an embarrassing looking virginia...? Complete and utter silence during the appointment.
So, ladies I'm gonna let you in on some inside information... if you are going to the gyno looking freakish, disease ridden, smelling down there like a fishing dock at high noon, or have a collection of flies swarming around your wahoo, somebody's gonna here about it. That's right. You heard me. Somebody will be sitting at dinner with a shriveled up face and a lump of puke at the base of their throat listening to the story of a foul woman who couldn't clean herself prior to her lady appointment.
I can't even tell you how many times I have heard these nasty tales of skankiness from David - Still being in line with HIPPA, of course. ;) And, to those of you who he has been talking about.... Oh my word! For the love of all that is holy, clean yourself! Don't make my poor man suffer so.

All fun aside; make an appointment today to get yourself checked out. It would be a needless waste and shame for a woman young or old to ever die from a girlie part cancer.